CAESAR VITUS AURELIUS
Many call him Caesar. He doesn't call himself Caesar. Many more call him Vito.
His registered SCA name is Vitus Aurelius. His mundane name is Mike Velotta.
A quote from Vito himself:
faithful minions. I'm very pleased to see all this enthusiasm and I would like
to thank you all for being here.
Ok, that's about the last nice thing I'll ever say to any of you.
Now listen up. For starters, being a minion means you're always behind the eight ball...get used to it. Before you think you have a clue or a bright idea or perhaps you think you have something important to say...stop...don't go there...it'll only get you in trouble...and probably give me an aneurism. I don't pay you to think or to be witty or clever...I just need you to do my bidding, but I know that you'll all do it wrong so I'll end up doing everything myself anyway.
For you new minions, your first goal is to disappoint me. I have no doubt you will achieve this with flying colors. Vici and Hostilius are excellent minions...they disappoint me all the time...watch them...learn from them. Your second goal is never talk to Vania...she doesn't like you...any of you...including me for that matter. If she does talk to you, she most likely needs something...don't misinterpret that for affection.
I will teach you many things over the course of this relationship. Many things may not interest you or even apply to you, but it's not about you...you're a minion. You may not understand the things I teach you...you're not expected to understand...you're a minion.
All you need to remember is that I'm great and you're not. You can hope to be great one day, but I'll probably kill you before that happens.